Its been six weeks. The pain is still there... it feels like it happened yesterday. I woke up this morning from a beautiful dream. Not a dream so much as it was more of a beautiful memory. It was exactly how it had been and reliving it (or sleeping it) was magical. Its something I need to write down because I never ever ever want to forget the sweet details that played over in my mind last night... so here it goes. Its was early morning, the faint morning sun was trying to peak through the tightly pulled blinds. I was laying on a hide away bed, and oddley enough it was the first time I slept soundly in over a year. A comforting smell prickled my nose and I remembered... I am here. I turn my head to my left and snuggled up to me, sleeping soundly was my tiny 21 month old baby. Not two feet away, snuggled in her favorite blanket, dreaming away, in between two rocking chairs pushed together to make a crib, my three year old lay. As i turned my head back straight I see one lone light on. Its above the kitchen table... where 3 piping hot bowls of cracked wheat are waiting to be devored. Huddled over the stove, stood two of my most favorite people. As i quietly watch, trying not to make any noise, i see my hero walk over to the fridge and pull out what looks like summer sausage, and a carton of mocha mix. I decide to to wake my sleeping children and get ready for the day. As i woke them up, and they wiped the sleepyness out of there eyes, i saw excitiment fill their faces as they also realized... we are here. They werent to excited about the cracked wheat, but I know that a few heaping spoonfulls of sugar and the right amount of mocha mix will make it delicious. Not a second after we are done eating our cracked wheat, a plate full of fried eggs, fried summer sausage, and bread with jam and butter is placed before us. We havent eaten like this in forever... and it feels good. After breakfast I walk outside into the warm Arizona morning. As I make my way to my car, to grab our bags, I am stopped by my two great aunts and my great uncle. They are just getting back from their morning walk around the park. I quickly give good morning hugs and couldnt be happier than I was at that morning. Once back inside I try to get my babies cleaned up, and ready for the new day. Once we were ready we head out to the covered porch, where my grandfather waits to take us around the park. He shows the girls the club house , where he and my grandma go dancing a couple times a week and also meet friends for card games, parties, and basically a place where everyone one in the park can get together. As we walk through the streets of the park, we stop at basically every park model to say good morning to the neighbors. My grandfather cant help but to show off his great grand babies and me... hes proud of us, and tells everyone we come to. We walk by one park model thats familiar. Its boarded up, but I know who it belongs too... my other grandparents who happen to be serving a LDS mission. I show the girls and soon we are on our way back to the house. As we walk to the dusty road back to the house, my grandmother and her sisters are waiting for us. They have decided that today, because it was a beautiful day, we would take the short drive, over the state line into California. We would go to their favorite orachard to pick grapefruit. We followed my gradparent's white buick out of the park, and on to the free way. The men are in the front, while the three sisters are jammned into the back..... never mind that two of them are in their late 80s. The sky is the bluest i've ever seen. And its not long before we are driving on a back road, through rolling hills. We arrive at the orachard, the excitment is welling up inside the girls.... they can barely stand it. As i pull in, put our little SUV in park, hope out to unbuckle the kids... the heavenly scent of grapefruit and oranges washes over me. Its like magical world. Where everything is beautiful and nice, happy.... lovely!! I get the girls unbuckled and they take off running, as fast as their short little legs would carry them... straight towards my grandfather. I shut the doors and relaxed against the car. Taking in the lovely smell... the sunshine warming my bones.... and at that moment, when I opened my eyes, the sun was shinning down through the leaves leaving perfect streaks of sunlight cascading over my daughters (both now in one of the arms of my grandfather), reaching high over their heads, yanking with all their little might to pull a perfect grapefruit from the tree.... heaven! So there it is.... five years ago... we were in Quartize, visiting my then healthy, happy grandparents. Its amazing how fast time flys. Even though my Sweet Grandpa past away 6 weeks ago.... these memories are etched on my heart and i still feel him here. Thank Heavens for that!!!